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With more screen time in the summer, conflicts that started in school, have more of a chance to fester in unsupervised settings. Get these books loaded onto your Kindle and arm yourself with some practical resources on what to do if your teen faces or is embroiled in cyberbullying this summer!
Get all of the tactics in one book and prepare your child to recognize and defuse certain types of cyberbullying. Check out our summer sale! From $0.99 to $4.50
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The number one question parents continue to ask around digital safety is: "What do I do if my child becomes a target of cyberbullying?" Unfortunately, so much of the cyberbullying advice you find online only scratches the surface, such as: "Save all the evidence. Tell an adult." This is about as helpful as a skydiving instructor shouting out instructions on how to pull the ripcord after you've already jumped.
To protect your kids against cyberbullying, you must take a proactive approach. Cyberbullying is like war with methods of attack and strategies of self-defense. Do not wait until the moment your child experiences online defamation and harassment to formulate a plan. In our award-winning cyberbullying guide for adults, Cyberslammed, we employ the strategic advice of a martial artist, who also happens to be a bullying counselor. First, start with the basic strategies of self-defense. How many digital devices does your child use? If you haven't already had a conversation with your child on what is considered acceptable and unacceptable behavior surrounding the use of these devices, start now. Likely you already own the devices and that's your leverage. Here's how one Massachusetts mom got her son to sign an 18-point agreement on the condition of receiving his new iPhone. Use her strategy to discuss cell phone and computer use with your child. Next, get familiar with the most frequent apps and social media platforms your teen is drawn to. Learn how cyberbullying really works on these particular platforms. For example, Twitter is great for teen connection, but it is also being used as a "slut-shaming" tool and a virtual slam book. Don't know what these tactics are? Stay on top of it with our Hot Topics blog on the most common types of cyberbullying. Next, have a talk about conflict. Conflict is the root of most cyberbullying situations and it is inevitable your child will be involved in conflict at some point with a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a teacher or even a stranger. Whether your child is the target, the instigator or caught in the cross-fire, "pre-playing" the potential outcomes to the conflict is key. My mother used to call this the "What would you do?" game. What would you do if a rival called you a "slut" on Facebook? What would you do if your XBox gaming buddy tried to get other multi-players to gang up on you online? The key to heading off cyberbullying is building a plan of action...not reaction ahead of time. Do you see now why "telling an adult and saving evidence" is practically useless advice if the adult in the situation still has no idea what to do? We encourage adults to approach a cyberbullying incident exactly the same way we instruct kids: Cool Off: Take time to cool off and talk it through before making an emotional snap judgment about the cyberbully’s actions. The emotional mind works much faster than the rational mind and skips important steps when you are angry and upset. Don’t react when you are in “flight or fight mode” out of defensiveness and anger and wait until your rational mind has had a chance to catch up. Gather Perspective: To get to the bottom of the issue, gather additional perspective from as many other students and adults who were directly involved. When dealing with the cyberbully's parents, acknowledge that you are presenting your kid’s “truth” and don’t make assumptions until you’ve heard the other “truths” to the story as well. Remember: what may at first appear to be clear-cut may, in fact, only be a snapshot in an ongoing, more complicated conflict. Make A Plan: Depending on the severity of the cyberbullying incident, find your allies, from school authorities to website/service providers to counselors to the child's own peers. In severe situations, you may also need to get the police or even an attorney, involved. This option needs to be carefully considered when there is serious harassment/threats, criminal behavior, extortion, obscene or harassing phone calls/texts, stalking, hate crimes, child pornography, sexual exploitation, or when the target’s photograph has been taken in a place where he or she would expect privacy and is now being misused. As you work with others to resolve the cyberbullying situation, make sure your child never tries to "fight fire with fire" by responding to the online attack with a counter attack, for this will only worsen the situation and muddy the waters in determining who is culpable for cyberbullying. Finally, experts in our book say the way to build your child's resiliency throughout an attack is be a support for him or her daily. Inviting peer support during this time is also crucial to getting through a traumatic incident. Every cyberbullying situation is different, but this advice goes beyond the surface in helping you and your child be proactive. To learn more, including how to join our free monthly webinars, visit: www.cyberslammed.com Kay Stephens is the co-author of the award-winning cyberbullying book Cyberslammed, sponsored by Time Warner Cable. Her latest tween cyberbullying e-book Ethel Is Hot LOL (Amazon $4.95) features Ethel, a smart-but-oddball 12-year-old who wants to be a NASA psychologist. Ethel finds herself blindsided by two girls looking for YouTube fame until she figures out a way to turn the media tables and get her reputation back. As part of Cyberslammed’s research, I’ve been looking into Reputation Management companies since 2007 and the one that has truly impressed me is RegainYourName.com. [Full disclosure: We approached them after Cyberslammed was published to see if their reputation management services could somehow mesh with the “Combat” section of each tactic in the book. More on how this works below.] From the beginning, RegainYourName.com’s interest in protecting kids from online defamation and Sexting came through as a genuine social mission—an integral part of their core values. Imagine being a teenager whose parents have no clue, whose teachers and school administrators are no help; who daily, sees her reputation getting annihilated online and has nowhere to turn. She may get a free consult with other RM companies, but in the end, it will cost her thousands of dollars to get bad content pushed down off search engines. For that teenager? Dead end, once again. As a UK nonprofit, recently founded in 2010, RegainYourName.com is very helpfully about the DIY philosophy, that is “do what you can yourself—first.” they offer free Twitter, Facebook and website resources along with free email advice. [For teenagers with little real life support, this is a lifeline.] Next, for around $30, they offer e-guides and videos that for example, teach how to remove and report cyberbullying content yourself off Facebook including:
One of the # 1 complaints I’m starting to hear from parents when their child is being cyberbullied is that they don’t know where to start, who to go to first, and even if they take it to the police, Facebook or the schools, if their complaints are even effective! That’s why I like RegainYourName’s no-nonsense approach. Regain Your Name was created by a reputation management consultant who had previously worked in education, and a victim of cyber stalking and harassment who knew first-hand what would and wouldn’t achieve the removal of bullying material on the Internet. Drawing on experience of e-safety in education, cyberbullying and social media marketing, they offer advice to individuals, schools and anti-bullying advocates based on our considerable experience in this field. All of their eBook and video material stems from real examples of removing grossly offensive material on the web. All of their free advice is based on strategies they’ve already seen work. Here’s how their knowledge and expertise dovetails with what we’ve learned. Take Sexting, one of the tactics in our book, for example. While we use a social-emotional model to get to the bottom of motivation behind Sexting, RegainYourName is all about getting that potentially criminal content off the ‘Net. Fast! No wasting time going through the wrong channels when every second counts. They know how to do it and they aren’t holding this knowledge “hostage.” As they told us: For example – we get a lot of requests for advice on removing pictures resulting from Sexting – from both teenagers and adults. Currently, using copyright infringement is the most effective way to remove these from search results and social networking – by using DMCA legislation. (Since a phone or webcam was used, the copyright is owned by the person who created the image – and not whoever has published it without permission.) Apart from their online services, they also offer training solutions, speakers for conference events, schools and educational workshops. In a recent email exchange, it’s clear their work empowers students who fear psychological harm from cyberbullying: I’ve used the removal guides myself with Y8 students in the UK (7th and 8th grade equivalent) with good results. Interestingly it wasn’t the fact the cyberbullying could be deleted after the event, which appealed most to them, it was the prior knowledge that the cyberbullying could be removed which proved most powerful. The ‘threat’ of cyberbullying, partly caused by a lack of knowledge and information, was at least on a psychological level in terms of the level of worry, reduced. Those pupils who admitted that they had been tempted to bully, or retaliate in a bullying manner, also revealed that they would be less likely to do so in future given the knowledge that the abuse was traceable and removable. Not a scientific study by any means – but an interesting basis for a thesis. In the future, we hope to provide a live Facebook or webinar forum for adults and teens with expert contributors and would like to invite RegainYourName’s founders to answer live Q&A on one of our six tactics topics. Like RegainYourName, and like us, this isn’t about the almighty bottom line. Yes, we have businesses to run, but when teenagers’ lives and reputations are at stake, there is much we can do to empower adults and teens to take back control over their digital footprint. |
Cyberslammed
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